| I decided the reason my presidential campaign | | | | words or his deep thoughts. He may as well have |
| never got off the ground during the last | | | | been talking to a pile of cucumbers. |
| presidential election was because I never had a | | | | Ike supporters wore badges that said, I like Ike! |
| slogan. For this campaign I will not make that | | | | Well, the fact did not help Adlai that even those |
| mistake again. I took immediate action to find a | | | | of us who understood Adlai Stevenson’s |
| slogan. | | | | speeches and voted for him, actually liked Ike. |
| Being a direct mail and mail order marketer I | | | | My dad was a county commissioner in Utah and |
| realize that any such slogan must be tested to | | | | President of the Democratic Sage Brush Club. He |
| see if it is effective. One trick we use is this: We | | | | lost his reelection because of the Eisenhower |
| steal other people’s headlines and slogans if | | | | Landslide. He got more votes than any other Utah |
| they fit our situation. | | | | Democrat but that didn’t help. Eisenhower |
| The fact of the matter is that I needed a proven | | | | took more electoral votes than any man in |
| slogan; one that had actually gotten somebody | | | | history. Even the Democratic South voted for |
| elected to President of these United States. I | | | | him. See |
| decided to steal President Eisenhower’s | | | | Adlai Stevenson was the antithesis of our current |
| slogan: I shall go to Korea! | | | | President Bush. He would have made a great |
| Ike never said what he would do once he got to | | | | president if someone other than me had voted |
| Korea. | | | | for him. I knew that he would lose the election. I |
| I’m sure it was not what I was doing in | | | | voted for him so he wouldn’t look |
| Korea in 1951-1952 which was dodging Chinese | | | | unqualified to be President. |
| artillery and mortar shells. | | | | I didn’t have to do that for President Bush. |
| Maybe if Ike had used the words I will go to | | | | Anyway, I’ve got to get out of here. The |
| Korea! somebody would have asked him what he | | | | postman just brought my 2 1/4" Bench Press |
| would do there. Shall left no doubt in | | | | Button Maker System. Those of you campaigning |
| anybody’s mind that Ike would nuke North | | | | for my election can find a button maker on the |
| Korea and Manchuria to boot! | | | | Internet. Make sure you buy a big supply of |
| In advertising you don’t want to tell the | | | | blanks to go with it. |
| reader of your slogan too much. Read some | | | | Here is what each button (badge) should say: I |
| history about Ike and his slogan at | | | | like Taylor Jones, the hack writer! |
| Ike’s opponent was the very bright Adlai | | | | Also make some buttons that say: Taylor Jones, |
| Stevenson from Illinois. Adlai was an elegant | | | | the hack writer, Shall Go To Korea! |
| speaker. Unfortunately he used big words that | | | | You might have to get a bigger button maker for |
| most Americans had never heard before. | | | | that. |
| Here is what Adlai said in his acceptance speech | | | | Well, just make some buttons that say:Send |
| at the Democratic Convention: None of you, my | | | | Jones to Korea!. |
| friends, can wholly appreciate what is in my heart. | | | | That will have Kim Doo-bong (1948-1957) and |
| I can only hope that you understand my words. | | | | Choi Yong-kun (1957-1972) rolling over in their |
| So he knew he had a problem. Read his speech | | | | graves, and Kim Il-sung (since 1972) will be |
| at [ Of course hardly anyone understood his | | | | shivering in his rocket-propelled nuclear boots. |