Appendix 2... Syntropic Living Skills Relationship Learning to Love Learning to "Flow" Learning Autogenics

Appendix 2: Syntropic Living Skills Society and the human personality co-evolve. Good social decision-making requires a population of informed individuals. As individuals, we need more than economic and political information, however, if we are to participate effectively in the democratic process. We need a variety of skills that are not typically learned in our present societies. We need to be able to speak before groups, to resolve conflicts nonviolently, to independently modulate our emotional and mental states, to be able to maintain relationships, or achieve and keep a good focus of attention when these are desired. In a series of planned books On Democracy In Time, therefore, we will devote one whole text to what we will call ``syntropic living skills" for individuals. The following paragraphs represent just a few of the skills which will be presented in that more complete format: Relationship A relationship works best when each party adopts the fiction that each is responsible for, i.e., each creates, both the Self and the Other. This only works, of course, if both parties participate in the not so fictitious assumption, and it is only applicable within a limited range of mutual causal behaviors. When it is necessary to recognize individuality and identify yourselves separately, as occurs naturally in any relationship, the following approach to communication helps to achieve mutual respect and understanding. The simplest model for communicative action that includes the three elements of self-assertion, social awareness, and a democratic structure involves two persons speaking to one another using the following pattern: ``I think (or feel) _______, because I perceive _______, and I'd like to know what your thoughts (or feelings) are, based on your perceptions." One doesn't need to be repetitious in applying this model. It is possible to vary it every time it's used while still retaining the essence of each part of the model. The three-part statement begins with the democratic right to assert a feeling or thought. This affirms one's right to have the feeling or thought and to speak it aloud. Secondly, the speaker is showing a democratic self-and-other awareness by stating that this feeling or thought occurs because of a prior perception for which the speaker takes responsibility. In other words the speaker appropriately and sensitively assumes responsibility for her or his own thoughts and feelings rather than imposing that responsibility on someone else as would be the case if the speaker had made an authoritarian statement such as: ``You make me angry." Thirdly, the speaker invites the other to respond in the same way--invoking the right of equal opportunity to participate in a ``democratic" exchange of views or a process of nonviolent conflict-resolution. Fourthly, the suggestion is implicitly present that differences can be resolved, or experiences, feelings, and ideas can be exchanged nonviolently even if different, and that the goal of communicative interaction is mutual education on the basis of some minimal set of shared values. It says that whatever the assertive communication (``assertive," not ``aggressive") might be, it will be tolerated. This suggestion can also be made explicitly as part of the exchange in order to ease the other's fear of the possible consequences of speaking out assertively. Of course, an exchange of views may lead eventually to a common viewpoint, or it may result in continued disagreement--or in some combination of the two. By merely engaging in the above dialogue, the two (or more) parties have implicitly accepted the fundamental premise of the democratic process which is that each person's needs and rights will be considered in a fair process (under rules that apply equally to all participants) that invites mutually respectful participation by all parties, arrives at a decision point, and either resolves the issue in a binding way or achieves a nonviolent acceptance of unresolved differences and keeps the lines of communication open. Relationship, as Martin Buber pointed out, is as fundamental as each of the persons in a relationship. [Buber, 1958] The content, style, and quality of the relationship is mutually causal with the content, style, and quality of the individuals involved. One aspect of relationship worth emphasizing in the context of this brief discussion is that relationships, like light and like time, are both discrete and continuous. We can conceive of relationship in terms of both continuous streams and discrete or episodic events, as both analogical and digital. Learning to Love The following method is simple and effective: 1. Assume a comfortable position in a quiet place for 20 minutes twice a day. 2. Remember or imagine yourself being loved in a nonsexual way. Note carefully the feeling that you are loved and the secure feeling of personal value which accompanies the acceptance of that love. 3. At the end of each breath out silently verbalize the thought: "May I feel loved." Repeat five times. In between those words remember or imagine the face of the other who is loving you, and notice the feeling you have of being loved. Remember that feeling as you imagine yourself accomplishing some purpose which is of value to yourself and others. 4. Now remember or imagine someone whom you already love. At the end of each breath out silently verbalize the thought: "May you feel loved." Imagine that person feeling your love as she or he accomplishes something of value to her or him and to others. 5. Now imagine a community of people before you that includes males and females of every age, race, and culture. Know that each of them has all of the feelings that you yourself experience: fear, hurt, anger, loneliness, a desire to be loved and to love others, and so on. At the end of each breath out silently verbalize the thought: "May we all love each other." Imagine several of their faces as they feel your love and each others' love. Allow yourself to feel their love for you. Imagine them feeling that love as they realize their dreams and do those things which are of value to themselves and others. 6. Imagine yourself with them discussing matters of importance to everyone, agreeing and disagreeing in a sensitive, honest, and mutually respectful way. Imagine all participating in decisions that are fair and respectful to all concerned. Silently verbalize these words: "May we decide democratically and with love for all." 7. Conclude the meditation by silently repeating these words at the end of a breath: "We can love, live in peace, and we can learn." Rest for awhile, then silently verbalize this last sentence to yourself: "In a few moments, when I'm ready, I'll open my eyes, stretch and feel comfortable and alert." While doing this meditation, if any other thoughts or feelings come to mind--including thoughts about the meditation, note their origins and silently say to yourself: "I'll think about that later if I wish. Right now I am going to complete my meditation on love." Focus your attention back on the meditation. Do not criticize yourself no matter how many or what type of interfering thoughts occur. Simply return your focus to the meditation until you complete it. Later you may wish to think about or talk about those other thoughts and feelings with someone. It is important to realize, however, that with practice you can learn to put any thoughts or feelings out of your mind and replace them with something else that you want to think or feel. Because of the way meditation works it is necessary to use exactly the same silently verbalized words each time you meditate. It isn't necessary to use the same words that are used above, but the words chosen should have the same meanings as above and the same progression from being loved, to loving someone specific, to loving more people, then to sharing love in a community of discourse that includes strangers and eventually--when you can--those toward whom you may feel fear or anger. This meditation can be done in groups of any size with a teacher or group leader who is trained in the careful selection and use of words to evoke constructive imagery. Learning to "Flow" The following is partly based on the concept of syntropic systems: 1. Select a community or group whose purposes you can comfortably support. If this can't be decided at the moment, remind yourself that you can find such a group in the future and change your affiliations when you need to. 2. Select your own life theme or purpose. If this seems too difficult at the moment, select a general or nonspecific purpose which can be made more specific later and remind yourself that you can specify a purpose for yourself and then change that purpose later if you need to. 3. Select a personal goal at work. This goal should be sufficiently difficult to achieve that it challenges you. It should also be consistent, insofar as possible, with the above two sets of goals. It may also be necessary to select a series of subgoals. 4. While at work, and for gradually increasing lengths of time, focus every bit of your attention on achieving your goal. This focus of attention must be achieved while taking action as well as while thinking about taking action. 5. If any interfering thoughts occur, simply say to yourself: "I'll think about that later if I need to. Right now I'm going to focus on the task at hand." 6. If any distractions occur, say to yourself: "I'll take care of that later if or when I need to. Right now I'm going to focus on the task at hand." Be sure to give yourself appropriate periods of rest and relaxation. 7. Assess your progress periodically, and keep a personal record. Give yourself encouraging and constructive feedback. Encourage others in your community to do the same. 8. Teach someone else how to develop flow. It helps to reinforce one's own skills. You can also practice autogenics--either during rest breaks at work or twice a day for 20-30 minutes at home. Remember: there is no failure in this process. The goal itself is both a personal and a common good, but as a means to achieve flow, the goal is primarily a private device that assists one's personal development. Every little increment of improvement in skill, personal satisfaction, or progress toward the goal is a success. You'll know that you've achieved "flow" when you notice that time has passed quickly, you've achieved your goal, and you feel good about it. Learning Autogenics Autogenics [auto=self-, genics=formation] may be practiced in an abbreviated form as follows: First Exercise 1. Find a quiet place where you won't be interrupted and set aside 20-30 minutes. 2. Assume a comfortable position, either sitting or lying, with hands and feet apart from one another. 3. Focus your attention on your right [on the dominant] hand. Imagine or remember a situation during which your right hand felt heavy. Silently verbalize to yourself these words: "My right hand is heavy." Repeat five times, alternating attention between imagined or remembered feelings and the underlined statement. When silently verbalizing the words in the statement, always use exactly the same words. 4. Repeat #3 for the left hand, right foot, left foot. 5. Silently verbalize these words: "I am relaxed. I am at peace." Repeat once. 6. And finally, these words: "When I'm ready I'll open my eyes, stretch, and feel comfortable and alert." 7. During the exercise, if any interfering thoughts come into the mind, silently verbalize to yourself the following words: "I'll think about that later if I wish. Right now I'm going to complete my autogenic exercise." Then turn your attention back to the exercise and proceed. Do not criticize or blame yourself if many interfering thoughts occur. Just notice the interference or wandering thoughts as soon as you can, patiently repeat the above sentences, and return to the exercise. Second Exercise 1. Repeat the first exercise using the word "warm" instead of heavy and feelings of warmth instead of heaviness. Each exercise must be fully mastered before moving to the next one. This mastery, which consists of a full experience of the sensations described in each exercise plus few interfering thoughts, may take from a few days to several weeks. The subjective sensations of heaviness and warmth, incidentally, correlate well with objectively measurable changes in muscle relaxation, temperature, and blood flow to the hands and feet. The Third through Sixth basic autogenic exercises should not be practiced without a more detailed description than can be provided here. There are more advanced autogenic exercises available, too. The autogenic exercises represent a progression from the simple to more complex mental training. The first two exercises provide a good but elementary support for the cognitive skills that are needed for learning, for achieving flow, and for peak performances or optimal experiences of many kinds. The regular practice of autogenics twice a day enables a person to relax in any appropriate circumstances, including social situations, within a time span of about seven seconds--by silently verbalizing the initial words: "My right hand is heavy."